


Age is a Number

by valenstrange



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Jpop, SMAP
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, Male Slash, Romance, Slash, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9530378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valenstrange/pseuds/valenstrange
Summary: None of these sillys realize what they do is making the other insecure.





	

It's been going on like this for a while already. Pi just didn't understand. He knew they say after a while people want it less, but it's been only half year! And it was not like they did it every day. Not even every time they got to stay over as sometimes they were just too tired. But lately it didn't happen even when they were spending the whole evening together.

One thing Pi was sure about. He definitely wasn't in the stage of wanting it less yet. He wouldn't have minded having it every day. More times a day, even.

He actually felt embarrassed even in front of himself about how much he wanted Katori-san all the time. He was the first man he ever had sex with, but it was better than any sex he ever had before. He felt like a teenage boy discovering sex for the first time, except as a teenager he wasn't that crazy about sex at all. He wasn't sure if it was because Katori-san was a man, or simply because he was him. He's never been this attracted to a man before, but he definitely wasn't this attracted to his girlfriends who he believed he loved, either.

Whenever Pi started to doubt if they're still dating or it simply just evolved into a friendship in the meantime, Katori-san snuggled him while watching a movie or before sleeping just like before. From time to time he kissed him with enough passion to turn Pi on immediately, but nothing more happened at the end.

Pi was frustrated. Confused. Desperate.

Sometimes Shingo noticed how much he was on the edge and gave him relief, but only through touches. Sometimes he even let Pi do the same to him. But this exchange was everything but enough. It wasn't satisfaction what Pi wanted. It was Katori-san. It was his boyfriend. It was the man he loved.

That day Pi was over at his boyfriend's place. Shingo went to take a shower and only a few minutes later Pi decided he had enough and followed him.

"May I join you?" he asked standing in front of the shower booth.

The noise of the water stopped. "Hmm? Tomo? Did you say something?"

Pi took a deep breath, trying to gather his courage to repeat his embarrassing question. "May I join you?"

The reply didn't come immediately. "I almost finished. Maybe next time, okay?" And the noise of the shower continued.

What did he even expect? Katori-san obviously didn't want him that way anymore. Probably everything that happened since then was just because he was so obviously longing for it that Katori-san gave in to pity.

But then... why does he still invite him over so often? Why does he show up at his apartment every once in a while? Why does he initiate kisses? Why does he still snuggle to him tightly during the night? He really didn't understand. Were these just excuses he made up because he was too much in love to accept the truth?

Pi indifferently took his toothbrush to at least do something, but the toothpaste was gone. He remembered Katori-san told him before that new ones are always in the second drawer. Or was it the third? Pulling out the second drawer, a big pile of plastic pouches caught his eyes. Without thinking he reached out for the one on top and brought it closer to his eyes to read the what it was.

'Eye Patches for Puffy Eyes and Dark Circles' said the subtitle under the brand name.

In the next moment Shingo opened the shower booth. He didn't expect Tomo to be still there. He fast grabbed a towel from the hanger and wrapped it around himself, from the armpits down to his bottom. They didn't quite reach his thighs, and he obviously felt rather uncomfortable about that.

Therefore it took him a while to spot what Tomo was still holding in his hand. When he finally did, he stormed over to him, took it from his hand and throwed it back to the drawer in a hurry.

"I... I'm sorry," Pi wasn't sure if he was supposed to apologize, but did it anyway.

Shingo just nodded, not stepping away from the drawer.

"Why do you have so many under eye patches?" Pi asked innocently.

"None of your business," snapped Shingo.

Pi took a step back surprised.

"If you don't want me here anymore, just say it!" he bursted out suddenly. "If you don't want me anymore, just say it."

Shingo swallowed, looking at his boyfriend clenching his fists and drawing away his glance.

"Tomo..." he tried quietly.

"No, really! I'm okay. We can be just friends... colleagues again. We don't have to do this. You don't have touch me if you don't want to."

Pi turned around to leave the bathroom but Shingo caught his wrist and stopped him. Dragging his boyfriend with him, Shingo opened the drawer again and placed one of those plastic pouches into Tomo's free hand. The younger man slowly raised his palm closer to his eyes.

"... why?"

"This is the reason why I don't touch you, idiot!" Shingo sounded slightly mad having to expose himself this much. "Are you aware just how beautiful you are? How perfect everything about you?" Tomo was looking at him almost scared, but Shingo continued anyway. "You're thin but muscular. You're pretty. You're young. I look at the mirror and only see how I'm no match to you. No wonder you didn't fancy having sex with me."

"What are you talking about? When you just touched me and I..."

"I supposed you're a man." Shingo sniffed.

"Yes, I am?"

"There are certain touches a man's body reacts to," explained Shingo sarcastically. "But you've never initiated anything. It was only me. It felt like I'm just forcing myself on you. I thought if I get into a better shape, you will maybe want me more."

"But I want you!" Pi was getting desperate.

"I'm on a diet now! When you're not around. I didn't want you to know... And trying to take the stairs instead of the elevator. I didn't want you to see me naked until I did something about it." Shingo sighed. "I'm fat. And old. "

"Don't say things like that about my boyfriend!" Pi stepped closer, pulling the towel on Shingo's chest and letting it fall to the floor.

The older man looked at him in disbelief. "I don't think you understood what I just said," he snapped, taking his towel from the floor and wrapping it around his lower body he left the bathroom.

Pi didn't move until Shingo disappeared from his sight. It seemed to be more serious than he thought. Eventually setting off to search his boyfriend, he found him in the bedroom, already wearing one of his huge, colorful cotton pajamas. His hair standing into every possible direction, still slightly wet. Pi couldn't help thinking he was so cute.

"Katori-san..." he tried. Shingo's shoulders trembled in attention, but he didn't look at his lover.

Pi sighed and stepped closer to the bed Katori-san was sitting on, facing the wardrobe that was dedicated to pajamas only. He still didn't move, so Pi kneeled up to the bed, slowly approaching his boyfriend from the other side of the bed.

There was no way Shingo didn't realize it, but he still jumped a bit when Tomo embraced him from behind. Kneeling up he was taller than Shingo sitting. He pushed his face next to his boyfriend's, resting his head against the other man's hair. It was quite an unusual position; the older man wasn't used to be the one to get embraced.

Pi pressed a soft and long kiss on his boyfriend's cheek. Katori-san was right. All this time he entrusted himself on the older man. If Katori-san asked him over, he came over. If Katori-san wanted to watch a movie they watched it. If Katori-san wanted to drink, he drank with him. If Katori-san wanted him in the bathroom, he got him. He could get him whenever he wanted. Pi didn't mind any of these. He enjoyed anything as far as he could be with him. However even the smallest things like asking him over, he didn't have the courage for. He was afraid he would be too much. He would have wanted to be with Katori-san all the time, but he knew his boyfriend was different. Katori-san needed his alone time. So he just entrusted the whole relationship on him, not realizing it makes the other man feel unloved.

"I love you," Pi said, tightening his arms around the other man, "Ka... Shi... Shingo-san." Shingo's body straightened upon hearing his first name from that mouth.

Pi needed all his courage to call Shingo on his given name. He knew Shingo would have preferred him doing so, but "Katori-san" still felt safer. But now he finally realized he needs to step out of his comfort zone.

"I love everything about you," Pi mumbled besides Shingo's ears quietly. "I love your tall figure, your broad shoulders, your big hands, your soft body that feels so nice to snuggle to," he said in one breath. If he stopped he might have not been able to continue from the sheer embarrassment. He took a deep breath, trying to breathe in some more courage with it. "You are the most attractive man to me. I love your big smile, your strong jaw line and I love your wrinkles too, because they only make you look more handsome."

Shingo's cheeks were burning. He got half year worth of affection, compliments and reassurance all at once.

"You are perfect to me the way you are," summed it up Pi. Shingo couldn't hold back anymore, he turned around, pushing Tomo on the bed and kissing him passionately.

"Why?" Shingo asked looking into Tomo's eyes, still pinning him to the bed. "Why would you love me so much?"

"Because you are you," shrugged the younger man kinda embarrassed, but he gathered all his courage and leaned up to give a peck to his boyfriend's lips. Just falling back on the pillow with a shy smile he continued, "and you are the most unique person I have never met."

"Okay, okay, it was enough already!" Shingo was sure his face was getting red again. "I got it. I love you, too."

He kissed Tomo again.

In these past few weeks he's been wondering a lot about the two of them. If being with Tomo gave him so much pressure, maybe it wasn't it. Shingo wasn't the type to try hard to fit someone's expectations. He even considered just breaking up with this annoyingly perfect boy and letting him go find someone more fitting. But he was way too much in love with him for that.

So he decided to work on it instead. And it was not something he thought he would do for anyone who doesn't have him sign it in a contract.

"So..." Pi's quiet voice brought Shingo back from his thoughts. The younger man nervously laughed when their eyes met. Hesitatingly he slid his hands under Shingo's pajama shirt. "May I ask a favor from my sexy boyfriend?"


End file.
